Category: Rant

I Need to Change

  • Be brave. Stand out. Be vocal. Speak up and be proud to showcase what I am doing or have done.
  • Ask question during grooming. Ask to share concern so I can learn too.
  • Ask question during monthly meeting. Don’t be passive.

Read more…

Ramadhan pertama tanpa Wan

Memang sangat lah sayu. Tak tergambar dan terucap dek kata-kata betapa sedihnya hati ini. Sejak kecil saya tak pernah duduk jauh dari wan, kecuali waktu matriks dan uni – itu pun bukan jauh, shah alam dan serdang aje. Even masa dah kerja pun, saya jarang-jarang buka puasa di luar sebab tak sampai hati bila kenangkan wan saya buka puasa berdua je dengan maid yang jaga dia, rasa kesian.

Siapa yang tak duduk dengan orang tua memang takkan faham apa yang saya cakap ni. Seriously. Saya selalu tengok wan saya nangis sorang-sorang. Bila ditanya kenapa, “tak ada apa” jawapan dia yang biasa. Kadang-kadang ada juga sebab dia rindu arwah atuk, kadang-kadang katanya sebab terperap je kat rumah. Sayu je saya tengok wan selalu. Kesian sangat kat dia. Saya bila hari kerja, memang balik lewat. That’s why weekend memang lah wajib bawa dia keluar. Hiburkan hati dia. Walaupun kadang-kadang tapau rojak makan dalam kereta pun dah cukup buat dia happy.

Itu yang bila bulan puasa, saya cuba sedaya upaya balik awal, nak senangkan hati dia. Then, once in a while bawa dia jalan-jalan di bazaar ramadhan. Wan ni kalau kita ajak sekali, memang tak nak. Jadi kalau korang ajak parents or orang tua keluar, and they say no mula-mula, jangan pula terus, “ok lah kalau macam tu”. Seriously, diorang perlu diajak a few times, tunjukkan bersungguh nak ajak tu. And ugut or paksa if you must haha. Mereka ni bila dah tua, rasa insecure. Kadang kala mereka rasa kita ajak-ajak ayam aje and mereka tak nak susahkan kita.

Sekarang ni, tinggal saya seorang diri. Boleh dikatakan macam sebatang kara juga lah. Semua saya lalui seorang diri sekarang. Sedih sangat, nak-nak time puasa ni. Saya rindu sangat bila wan masakkan makanan-makanan kegemaran saya, perhatian wan yang memang tak berbelah bagi pada saya, bebelan wan suruh saya mengaji dan beribadat lebih, saya pun rindu nak melayan wan pergi shopping weekly mahupun untuk persiapan raya… Ya Allah, seriously sangat rindu pada wan (Ya, saya tak pernah lupa doakan dia setiap waktu, alhamdulillah).

Ni tak masuk lagi bab raya, pastilah lagi sedih… saya doa sangat Allah beri saya kekuatan untuk lalui dugaan ni…

One Difficult Week

Thanks to some “kind” souls, I’ve been put in a very difficult situation especially for this one week period. I will never ever forget this moment. Allah saja yang tahu perasaan sedih dan tekanan yang terpaksa saya lalui ini. Dugaan Allah…

Just a reminder for myself, and maybe to anyone too, please lah jangan aniaya kaum keluarga sendiri hanya kerana nak diikutkan perasaan benci, atau diikutkan hati kita yang tak berapa nak bersih ni. Dan perlu diingat, kamu juga ada anak cucu… jadi apa yang kamu buat pada orang lain hari ni, tak mustahil akan tuhan balas pada mereka suatu hari nanti. 

Ingatlah, Allah tidak tidur. Dia maha melihat dan maha mengetahui.

Picking up the pieces 

Tentu wan sedih kalau tahu apa yang aku lalui. How they are treating me right now. So much of “family” sangat. They are doing what they have always been doing – assume and judge me – and treat me like I am the worst person ever.

I have to go through this on my own, by myself, all alone. I wonder don’t they have rasa belas kasihan in their heart at all? Trying to kick me out of this house. At least give me more time. I need to save up too before I can start moving to a new place. 

I am recovering very slow on this lost. It’s not easy ok? And just when I just rasa macam boleh berpijak sedikit, trying to pick up the pieces, slowly crawling back into life, mereka dengan senang hatinya try to throw stones back, making it harder for me.

p/s: Other than berusaha untuk terus kuat, I can only berdoa moga Allah permudahkan perjalan ini. Al-Fatihah untuk wan dan atuk. Moga kita akan berjumpa lagi suatu hari nanti di sana. InsyaAllah.

Time Flies!

Wow.. less than 3 weeks until 2017. Cepat betul masa berlalu. These days I always feel like I don’t accomplish much in life. Especially this year. Worst. 

Most of the time, even during weekend, I usually just spend and waste my time resting at home – watching tv, series, movies, youtube videos… and maybe a bit of reading. 

Each year passing by, I have less and lesser friends compared to previously. Hmm… sometimes I wonder, is there something wrong with me? Why and how do I become like this? :(

But at least I accomplished one of my top list 2016 resolution = to be less stress on work, just do the best that I can and enjoy it! Yeay! *cuba menenangkan dan menyedapkan hati*

So, maybe for next year, my top resolution should be = get out and socialise more often, and be less depressed, haha. 

p/s: This year: Macao & Hong Kong, alhamdulillah. Next year: UK & some places in Europe, insyaAllah

Toothless

Ouch, my gum still hurts :yuck: Went to dentist yesterday evening to get rid of my molar tooth which has been damaged by chocolates and ice-cream, lol. It only stop bleeding until this morning…! I was so worried. But thankfully, I finally can eat something now…

Went out with Ainor to watch ‘Gangster’ the other day. Well, sadly, the film didn’t turn out to be as good as I hope it would be :sad: Well, it has some really good actions (love all the racing and cars parts) but… my personal opinion is that the movie doesn’t have a proper storyline, I dunno, at least Ainor and me think so. 3 stories in a film with no connections among them at all? It’ll be better if they stick to 1 damn story, it’ll be much bigger and better… Well, one of the strongest reason I wanted to watch the movie was because… ehehe… Ako was in it :tongue: (selain menyokong filem tempatan, right..) But overall, I think it’s an OK film… nice stunts and stuff :wink:

Tonight is Juara Lagu :drum rolls: but, meaning no Smallville tonight, ergh… And Umie’s debut performance on TV is gonna be tonight at 8pm, in Blast Off talent search competition. She’s the lead singer in the Shohoku band. Asked me lots of times to watch her performance, lol. I’m totally gonna support her 100%. Hope they’ll make it to the final :cross fingers:

Fallen into pieces

Things has got really really boring this lately. I suddenly lost my interest on many things, including my study. It’s like I’d rather sit and watch TV all day long or even play computer games until 4 am. No idea why. But I’m trying to find myself back again. My marks are dropping slowly on my first tests… I just hope it won’t be long and my history of ‘failing’ won’t happen again. I’m sick of being called stupid and or not one of the best in my family.. among my cousins to be more specific. We are pretty close so we are always being compared to each other. I have lots to prove to everyone, so I hope I’ll have my strength back soon and go for the battle to be one of the first-class honour student.

Have my test in an hour. And yeah, not so surprisingly, I’m still here in front of the computer. That’s what I was talking about. Ergh. I’ve been thinking of changing for a new layout as this old dark layout has bored me to death already, lol. But I have no idea what or even who will be featured on the layout?? Hmm… I can’t seem to find any good pics. :yawn:

Juara Lagu is going to be next week. I hope Vince will perform his best, and hopefully won something :grin: He’s been working hard to get where he is now, wishing him all the best. Semalam tengok Muzik@Ria, lawak gile la video klip KRU & Adam yang baru tu -“Terhangat Di Pasaran”. Wakaka, pakai pompuan plak tu, tu yang lawak tu. KRU still maintain best cam dulu. Aku minat KRU takde la gile2 sangat tapi aku suspect (bak kata apek senario) la kat diorang. Wat lagu sendiri, manage group sendiri sume. Aku ingat lagi dolu2, masa memula KRU breakthrough tahun 1992, aku tak berapa minat diorang, malah rasa ntah pape ntah. Alaa.. masa aku zaman kanak2 dulu, masa minat sesame street lagik. Pastu aku start minat diorang sejak album Awas 1994. Sampai la ni sekarang. Ape la aku ni cerita pasal minat KRU lak. Bukan ape, aku saje je nak release tension ni. Tak pernah2 aku tulis BM dalam blog aku.

OK, I guess that’s it for now. I’d better go and have my last glance at my notes before the test begin. See ya… hopefully with a new layout ;)